There was simply no defence for what we saw at the Hawthorns on Saturday - neither side had one!
West Brom and West Ham have not had similar seasons, but both now find themselves in series danger of being in the Championship next year, and the way their teams defend is a serious worry ahead of that time of season when, in football terms (somehow), backsides need oiling.
First up West Brom! I did not say too much last week on their decision to dispense with Roberto Di Matteo. It was more sad news than news that was hard to comprehend given their slide down the league, seeing as it initially looked like his team would not be facing this fight this season. They shot out of the traps, winning at Arsenal and Everton and outshining plenty of the other sides they faced as a brief stay in the top four popped up on their story of the season.
Now though they are in the W-dominated bottom four and it is another W, Roy (with a W) Hodgson who has to get them out of it. They have appointed a gentleman of the game who achieved great success with modest resources at Fulham before a stay at Anfield proved most brief. Crucially, that successful spell at Fulham began with an amazing escape from slipping through the trap door. Yes, he arrived over a month earlier back then but the situation was also far more dire, with the team a little adrift from the rest bar a dreadful Derby below them. It remained more than precarious for them before they went on to win their last three games to snatch a seriously unlikely survival.
He has more to work with from the off at West Brom, certainly in attack with Peter Odemwingie, Chris Brunt, Jerome Thomas, James Morrison and Somen Tchoyi all impressing this season and Graham Dorrans now off the mark at last, plus there is Arsenal loanee Carlos Vela. Most of those players helped the side to a 3-0 lead against West Ham on Saturday and all seemed to be rosy as Roy watched on.
But then they were called on to defend - and they couldn't. West Ham's second and third goals in particular were thoroughly avoidable had men been marked and the Hammers had plenty of other chances thanks to the space afforded them by West Brom. Also, Boaz Myhill has followed Scott Carson in making errors in goal, the recent games against Wigan full of mistakes too and they have been torn apart far too easily since the results began to go from more good than bad, to more bad than alright.
At Fulham, Roy had a transfer window to bring in Brede Hangeland. He has no such luxury now and has to make do with what he has. Messrs Olsson, Tamas, Jara and others have to step up to the mark because when the season reaches boiling point it is those who leave the door open that will be the first asked to leave.
They are two points better off than the Hammers, who themselves showed how not to defend too. Not having a clue how to stop the other team scoring has been a characteristic of their play all season, with Avram Grant employing more right backs than Trevor Benjamin has had clubs, and their teamsheets constantly showing square pegs in round - and very open - defensive holes. It took them just eight minutes to concede twice on Saturday and the awful Winston Reid then scored West Brom's third for them.
It seems wrong to base this piece on bad defending when the goal count was well down on last weekend's record numbers, yet none of the games last week showed quite so much uselessness at the back than this six-pointer - from which two points were taken. But it was so bad that it had to be highlighted, because Grant in particular has failed to fix it all season. Maybe that is why it is Scott Parker who is dishing out the half-time team talks.
West Ham, with Parker to the fore, deserve credit of course for rescuing a point and almost winning the game, that resilience a plus in their survival battle, whereas the dejection of blowing that lead could hit West Brom hard. The distraction of a new manager is probably a good thing for them this week.
Still, the message to both teams from the Premier League is shore up or shove off!
Blackpool too have been conceding at alarming rates in recent weeks but, despite giving away a host of chances against Aston Villa and only having one very, very bad available goalkeeper, they kept Gerard Houllier's men to one and scored one themselves to earn a point and stop a run of five straight defeats. The situation remains perilous for them though as things get tighter and tighter at the bottom and they need a win soon - and at least two more after it with a few draws on top - to try and put some distance between them and the bottom three. If they were to fall into it you would not back them to get back out.
Wigan cannot get out of it, hard as they try. They benefitted from a subdued Liverpool showing on Saturday and managed to secure a point after the Reds lost their current lucky charm. Raul Meireles scored for the fifth game in six, but the Portuguese midfielder then had to go off as he was feeling unwell. Off with him went the Reds' winning run, though Steve Gohouri's equaliser was surely offside, the decision something else there was no defence for.
The most notable thing from this game was the performance for Liverpool of Luis Suarez, who looked very, very dangerous. The Uruguayan twice got paint on the ball as he struck the Wigan woodwork, but a second goal for the club did not come on his first start. Expect it soon.
Across Merseyside, fury was vented by David Moyes who said his side's performance at Bolton was as bad as any in his time at the club. That's nine years and a lot of poor games to beat. Certainly they were second best at the Reebok, where the arrival of Danny Sturridge has helped the Trotters stop the rot and go on the trot. It is three goals in three games now for him, his latest a peach on Sunday, while Gary Cahill also impressed as Bolton look to hike up his price tag again ahead of the summer. Also, Mark Davies and Stuart Holden both had smashing games in midfield.
Everton, missing Louis Saha once more after a predictable injury, were stagnant, tame and an all-round disappointment. Luckily for them their defence is not as wretched as those of the teams below them, but Moyes has assured them they are in the relegation fight as things stand and who am I to argue?
Chelsea's defence has predominantly been pretty solid for several years now and even in their recent bad run the flaws in the team were in the main further forward, though last week's loss at Liverpool did see some last line uneasiness. David Luiz has been added to their defensive ranks and had an excellent first 90 minutes for his new side at Fulham, looking composed, sharp and comfortable in possession and on the move. Of course when the ninety were up he conceded a silly penalty, but got a reprieve the rest of his night earned when Petr Cech saved from Clint Dempsey.
Up the far end Fernando Torres messed up on more than one occasion, his first goal for his new club looking no closer as Didier Drogba spent most of the evening looking moody on the bench after, like Florent Malouda last week, being left out to accomodate the Spaniard. It may take some time for Carlo Ancelotti to figure this one out. Even when he does it will be too late to retain the title - it's Champions League or bust now for Chelsea after anther night of failing to put away their opportunities.
The 'I need an adult to dress me' award of the weekend (previous winners include Diego Forlan) went to William Gallas who went off to change his boots, while Sunderland were scoring. Luckily for him Spurs, thanks again to Niko Kranjcar, came from behind to win at Sunderland as their battle for a second successive top four finish shows no sign of abating, though the upcoming Champions League games with AC Milan may have an impact on that.
Elsewhere, Robin van Persie continued his scoring spree as Arsenal bounced back from their debacle at Newcastle by 'obliterating' Wolves 2-0; Nikola Zigic continues to surprise us by scoring goals as Birmingham beat Stoke; and defences were on top between Blackburn Roves and Newcastle, their 0-0 draw not a stinker though with the woodwork rattled and Fabricio Coloccini almost scoring another non-centre-half's cracker.
And so to that goal! Wayne Rooney's against Manchester City I mean. Plenty has been said about it so there is no point in me adding any superlatives as they will all have been used, I'll just say it was very good indeed and I doubt I could do it, though I might shin it as some say he did. Either way it was a strike fit to win a big match, the Manchester derby being just that as Saturday's rendition fared much better on the enthrallment stakes then the bore at Eastlands in November.
Rooney was shabby enough for the rest of the match as his threat was snuffed out, but after much agonising over it he takes a place in the team of the week. For argument's sake he played a role in setting up Nani's goal too but you just can't leave him out after his acrobatics.
City can rightly argue they had the better of it for long spells, even if they needed the flukiest of goals to score. But their pursuit of United continues to frustrate them on match days as the Manchester reds continue to rule the roost in this fixture, thanks in this case to them having what West Brom and West Ham do not - capable defenders. The signing of Chris Smalling drew scepticism across the board but his performance on Saturday was his most assured to date in a United shirt, his progress in the last couple of months having been very impressive all round. Alongside Nemanja Vidic, he was part of a strong wall that City rarely scaled despite their heavy possesion.
Vincent Kompany may say he was just as good at the other end and he was. He did not give Rooney a sniff. But then Rooney did that. Maybe next time Smalling will be left to stand still as Carlos Tevez finds the net with an overhead from David Silva's cross. Maybe next time City. Maybe next time!
And finally, just a few words on one of the world's best, who has decided to call time on his playing days. Ronaldo, the Brazilian one of considerable proportion, has decided he has had enough after Corinthians' Copa Libertadores exit and chucked it in at the age of 34.
I feel privileged to have grown up as this guy unleashed himself on the various leagues of Europe, quickly and genuinely becoming the most feared striker of his day. In that day he was quite unrecognisable to the stagnated figure he often cut in his latter years, his sheer pace and strength enough to frighten the very best as he scored goal after goal after goal for PSV, Barcelona, Inter Milan and Real Madrid. His super hat-trick for Real at Old Trafford in the 2002-03 Champions League remains the most awesome and lethal individual attacking affront I have seen, albeit through college bar beer goggles.
Not even his daft haircut as he won the World Cup golden boot the previous summer takes away from the memory of one of the greatest players to watch for my generation. Sadly he was unable to do it in the 1998 final in France, but I was glad to see him take the lead in the all-time World Cup goalscorers' list in 2006 when his career was already on the wane. Thanks for the memories Big Ron, but after more agonising I can't really find space for you in the team of the week. You've been in enough of them.
Team of the week (4-3-3):
Paul Robinson (Blackburn Rovers); Gary Cahill (Bolton Wanderers), Chris Smalling (Manchester United), Vincent Kompany (Manchester City), Jose Enrique (Newcastle United); Nani (Manchester United), Cesc Fabregas (Arsenal), Graham Dorrans (West Bromwich Albion); Demba Ba (West Ham United), Robin van Persie (Arsenal), Wayne Rooney (Manchester United).