Sport

The Craic: A case of handbags
by setantasports.com staff, 04 July 2008

If you’re reading this, you’ve stumbled across setantasports.com’s bold, new, cutting edge 21st Century feature – “The Craic”, where we use the world of sport as an excuse to joke around at the cost of doing real work.

Every day we’ll pretend we’ve got sense of humours (after all it works for Russell Brand) by picking on the outrageous to the absolutely ridiculous (all topics will be real though, tales of a female football commentator – as funny as it sounds – will not be considered).

Like Gemma Atkinson we won’t be picky, covering all bases from transfer talk (the latest player to reject Spurs), to match analysis (how Titus Bramble still gets a game) to the downright baffling (how rugby players are still considered ‘role models’).

It’s the ultimate chance to enjoy pub banter whilst you're online – albeit without the alcohol, ‘fit barmaid/barman’ and drunken rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody, so feel free to get involved by dropping us a line below.

HANDBAGS AT THE READY

The release of CCTV footage of Joey Barton’s despicable actions in Liverpool city centre at the turn of the year shocked and angered many football fans, but the news of Wolves striker Sylvan Ebanks-Blake being fined for assault on Friday was on a slightly lighter note.

Last November the 22-year-old attacked a nightclub doorman – while still a Plymouth player – with his girlfriend’s handbag. Not to belittle or make light of the assault – the victim sustained a three-inch cut to the head – The Craic would dearly love to see the video evidence which led to Ebanks-Blake’s incrimination.

And how will he face the jibes of team-mates in pre-season training and the inevitable abuse from opposition fans when the season starts? Maybe he can take a few tips from Ashley Cole…

LOOSE PERSPECTIVE

Reports fresher than a new pair of gleaming Jay Z sneakers have stated on Friday morning that Real Madrid will not pay a cent more than €85 million (£67m) for Cristiano Ronaldo as they continue to try and persuade him to join them from Manchester United.

That’s a hell of a lot of money. An almost ridiculous amount, even for a player widely regarded as being at the top of his game, some might say.

Not for Alex McLeish. No. The Birmingham manager has, quite astonishingly, stated that it would take a similar offer for him to even consider allowing James McFadden to leave St Andrews should another club come calling for his services.

While The Craic struggles to come to terms with such a ludicrous statement, it would like to remind Mr McLeish of Willie McKay’s – McFadden’s agent – very recent comments:

"James has told me he wants to leave. He is happy when Alex McLeish gave him an opportunity to play first-team football every week, but it’s a short career and he wants to play at the highest level. "

Looks like McLeish might have to settle for considerably less than £67m.

KICKING STEREOTYPES IN THE ASS

Fighters in The Ultimate Fighting Championship get a rough deal when it comes to media coverage. 

Journalists, no doubt put off by the rare sight of blood, or in England’s case – courage, often suggest the average UFC fighter is…a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.

Having met some of these guys, the truth is usually rather different, as Rampage Jackson shows as he blows away all stereotypes in this recent interview…

I DUMPED YOU FIRST

Poor old Manchester City. They tried their best bless them. In fact, they tried so hard that it was difficult to know who they were trying to convince, Ronaldinho or themselves.

“Ronaldinho wants to join a big club, and we are giving him that chance,” was one of the more amusing comments to come out of Eastlands while the Spice Girls performed “Wannabe” in the background.

But, like a wounded love-stricken teenager, City have now pulled the ‘I didn’t want you anyway line’ after realising Ronaldinho’s heart belonged elsewhere.

As recently as Thursday, Mark Hughes was still in love with the Brazilian, commenting: “He is a huge world star and these things, if they are going to happen, are likely to take a bit of time. We are patient enough but things are still moving forward I’m sure.”

Funny then, that just 24 hours later – after Ronaldinho’s agent revealed he is going to Milan, City pipe up with this rather sudden change of heart:

“We definitely don’t want to be sitting waiting for a decision from Ronaldinho. A mutual decision has to be made. We are setting our own timeline. We know what we want and when we want to make that decision. We’re not going to sit and wait. This is too big a football club for that.”

Cue Mariah Carey: "I can't live..."

LET ME SEE THAT THONG
We have become accustomed to seeing some nauseating photos of Ronaldo on holiday this summer, gallivanting around with his vastly over-rated WAG while United fans, confined to rainy Manchester, fret over his future, but his Brazilian namesake has been repulsing us for an entirely different reason. Enjoying some sun in Ibiza, the man once considered the best footballer in existence has clearly let himself go a bit. Not only that, but he has been pictured sporting the kind of skimpy underwear that would put Jordan to shame. If you don’t mind the risk of burning the horrific image onto your retina, a picture can be found here. Just put it away Ronnie.

Found something suitable for The Craic? Send us any bizarre quotes or funny chants using the feedback form below. Go on, you know you want to.